i feel so...

comforted and happy

winning

today i put my knowledge of the gospel into work. with help from the lord. i had 2 letters in the mail today. one from my mission president, the other from the VA. both shined the light on my future. possibilities of what may come in my life are great. i will be paid in full for my tuition, housing, and books. even though i'm not with the person i feel so strongly for, life goes on. i finally got time to do something i wanted to do for along time. i watched a movie i've wanted to see for so long. it was not like i read, but still the movie was better than i could imagine. at any rate this is how i have always pictured married life without kids to be like

oh how beautiful life is when you are in love. no matter if the person is accepting, unknowing, or totally immersed as you are.

Losing

they say losing depends on how the person perceives it. how you handle it. when you take it and learn from it, no matter if you win or lose. the only difference in winning and losing is in how the outside world treats you.

when you win you can find joy
Alma 29:16 Now, when I think of the success of these my brethren my soul is carried away, even to the separation of it from the body, as it were, so great is my joy.

when you lose you can find joy
2 Nephi 2:25 Adam fell that men might be; and men care, that they might have joy.

when you lose its good to remember the ultimate goal
D&C 31:9 Be patient in afflictions, revile not against those that revile. Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast.

when you win its good to remember the ultimate goal
Jacob 2:13 And the hand of providence hath smiled upon you most pleasingly, that you have obtained many riches; and because some of you have obtained more abundantly than that of your brethren ye are lifted up in the pride of your hearts, and wear stiff necks and high heads because of the costliness of your apparel, and persecute your brethren because ye suppose that ye are better than they.

As of tonight i feel like i lost my best friend in the world. i feel so very alone. but with a lose or win there is always one way to lean.

under the stones, water, and time are the words of god.

i made a trip to Utah. to see friends and confess i had a pure longing for some one special. i came back with friends that turned out to be amazing. although my feelings of longing were not accepted. i know that in my heart they were pure. that for me, is good enough. i now know who i need to be. especially for the woman i will be with. i have known for awhile, but i didn't in the past. but i will make the best of what i have and will have. i realized on the plane ride back something that i will carry with me forever. i promise to my heavenly father that i will do my best from now on.
as i took off from Salt Lake the plane hit a ton of turbulence. finally the plane banked to onside very violently. if you can imagine the planes wings being on a 90 to 90 degree angle it must have banked to the right on a 110 to 70. it soon corrected itself but banked to the left then straight down. soon everyone was nervous. we had a bumpy ride the whole way their. now through many things in my life i have notice it took a long hard road to be blessed. from having my family learn the gospel. my mission call, my service in the marines, to finding someone to marry. all the way to the greatest gift of returning home to my heavenly father. it maybe a bumpy hard ride, it may even bank violently. scare or even bring you to feel horrible about yourself. it maybe long hard and disappointing. but the joys of getting to where you want to be or even back home to eternal salvation. it will be worth it.